I Think That I Can Remember When

I remember the days when I could wake up each morning feeling invigorated and having my body feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the events of the day. You probably can remember those days too. The days when our bodies were young and before we had to purchase the extended maintenance plan for it. There once was a time, where this machine that I call my body, would work smoothly without any hitches and pain free. Yes I can remember those days but I have to really strain to bring them back up from the depths of my memory banks.
I remember being involved in sports and being very fleet afoot. But now I am only fleet afoot when running to the bathroom, because my irritable bowls are acting up.
I used to be able to lose weight quite easily. Now the only weight I seem to be able to lose is when I take off my clothes and my shoes and then take a good healthy dump.
I used to be able to spot a coyote on the Kansas plains from a mile or two away. Now I can still see some sort of outline of him but not without the use of a pair of high power binoculars and my trifocals on.
I used to be able to bend my joints without any pain at all. Now I am mainly able to bend my joints just enough to slather on some kind of mentholated soothing ointment.
I used to be able have my hair blow and move freely in a breeze. Nowadays I seem to be more aerodynamically formed in the head region...I can now stand in gale forced winds and not one short gray hair on my head will move.
I remember the days when I liked all of the colors in a rainbow. Now my all time favorite color is blue.......give it a second...
I remember a day when I could pass a football a fairly good ways. Now the only thing I can pass easily is when my finger is pulled and that something would be gas.
I used to live a pill free life. Now I wake up to take a good 8-10 pills on a daily basis and I can call it breakfast.
I remember when I could get down on the floor and do lots of push ups. I just tried to do some the other day...the only thing I accomplished was getting up close and personal with the dust mites that are in our carpet.
I remember when I could write my full name in the snow.....in cursive writing..... with laser like precision.....while peeing. Now I am lucky if I can miss my knees while dribbling on my toes.
I remember when I could lift and bench press 240 pounds. Now the only thing I want to lift, is another slice of pizza to my mouth.
I remember a day when I had enough motion in my neck, that I could turn my head completely to one side without any pain. Now in order to turn my head to one side, I need to turn my whole body in that direction while keeping my head straight.
My skin used to be firm and tight. Now my skin is so loose, that when I go on a roller coaster, it looks like I have an extra set of floppy butt cheeks slapping the back of my head. And forget about crows feet...I have turkey claws.
I used to have an excellent memory, now I have to leave crumbs just to find my way back to the bedroom.
I must have missed the inter office memo that claimed that 54 is the new 95. Maybe I did read it...I just don't remember doing it.
There used to be words that might have applied to me in my younger days:
Studly, handsome, smart, well toned, hunka hunka burning love, logical, keen eyed, analytical, savvy, adventurous, shy...just to name a few.
But now words like the following seem to apply more:
old, old fart, gray haired old fart, ancient , decrepit, forgetful, out spoken, crotchety, gimpy, shriveled, droopy, floppy...just to name a few.
I think that you can get the picture.
I have to laugh nowadays, when I look in the mirror. What the heck happened??? Where is the me that I can barely remember. I think that I have been "punked"..."punked" by life itself.
I want to apologize for anything written in this blog entry that might come across as crude and tacky. I hope that no one takes offense by it.
I just wanted to make a point and that point is......
geesh.....
damn....
crapola....
hmmmmm......it really wasn't important anyway