Do I Have Stupid Written On My Forehead?

I received something in the mail today that I just felt the need to share with you. I received an envelope from what originally appeared to be HSBC..the credit card folks. I do actually have an HSBC credit card that I use once in a great while. Upon opening up the envelope, the first thing that I noticed was that there were 2 real checks inside...one for $8.25 and the other for $9.75. Now these are actual checks made out to me. The 2nd thing that I noticed in the envelope was a "form" slip of paper and the top line was highlighted in yellow marker along with a line on another section below. The first highlighted line stated in bold lettering "RE: MONEY BACK ON YOUR HSBC PLATINUM CREDIT CARD PURCHASES". The lower highlighted line "BONUS! YOU CAN CLAIM AND ADDITIONAL 2% BACK". Both of these lines were boldly underlined too. After reading all of writing on the slip of paper it basically gave me this information- by cashing the $8.25 check, I would have joined a program called Just For Me. By cashing the check I could start earning 2% cash back on new purchases and receive up to $100.00 a year cash back. By cashing the $9.75 check, I would have joined a program called Buyers Advantage. With this program, I would receive an additional 2% back for my purchases and thus making it up to $200.00 that I could receive per year.
On the one last additional piece of paper that was in the envelope, there were further descriptions on what these 2 checks would provide to me via the 2 programs. Just For Me would provide me with 2% on my first $5,000 worth of new purchases up to the $100.00 yearly limit. The Just For Me Plan also provided me with a savings of up to 20% off for discounted facials, manicures at participating businesses along with a week of FREE Jazzercise Classes...That's right folks....1 FULL WEEK OF FREE JAZZERCISE CLASSES. I truly feel blessed by this particular perk....almost like the tooth fairy, after many decades of being a no show, returned for one last visit.
The Buyers Advantage would provide me with an additional $100.00 on purchases made through them. The Buyers Advantage program would also provide me with a Return Purchases plan, Automatic Warranty Extension and a savings of up to 50% when I repair most household and electronic items.

Of course there was a whole hell of a lot of fine print on the reverse side of this form letter but unfortunately I am still awaiting for my newly purchased quadrafocal glasses, from the optometrist, in order to read the little munchkin writing that is there.

Now here comes the "kicker".....at the end of the 30 day trail period, my credit card will be charged $59.99 for EACH program. And that charge is not done annually but SEMI-ANNUALLY. That comes to almost $120.00 semi-annually or almost $240.00 a year for the 2 programs and I have not even made 1 purchase so that I can cash in on the fantastic deal of getting my whopping 2% back.
Another thing about these programs is that they state that they are not affiliated with HSBC at all, which means HSBC provided these people with my highly guarded personal info.

Now, I know that I might not be the brightest bulb in the lot but I truly despise someone trying to put a red hot poker up this ole mans keester.