Saturday, March 21, 2009

I Think That I Can Remember When

I remember the days when I could wake up each morning feeling invigorated and having my body feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the events of the day. You probably can remember those days too. The days when our bodies were young and before we had to purchase the extended maintenance plan for it. There once was a time, where this machine that I call my body, would work smoothly without any hitches and pain free. Yes I can remember those days but I have to really strain to bring them back up from the depths of my memory banks.
I remember being involved in sports and being very fleet afoot. But now I am only fleet afoot when running to the bathroom, because my irritable bowls are acting up.
I used to be able to lose weight quite easily. Now the only weight I seem to be able to lose is when I take off my clothes and my shoes and then take a good healthy dump.
I used to be able to spot a coyote on the Kansas plains from a mile or two away. Now I can still see some sort of outline of him but not without the use of a pair of high power binoculars and my trifocals on.
I used to be able to bend my joints without any pain at all. Now I am mainly able to bend my joints just enough to slather on some kind of mentholated soothing ointment.
I used to be able have my hair blow and move freely in a breeze. Nowadays I seem to be more aerodynamically formed in the head region...I can now stand in gale forced winds and not one short gray hair on my head will move.
I remember the days when I liked all of the colors in a rainbow. Now my all time favorite color is blue.......give it a second...
I remember a day when I could pass a football a fairly good ways. Now the only thing I can pass easily is when my finger is pulled and that something would be gas.
I used to live a pill free life. Now I wake up to take a good 8-10 pills on a daily basis and I can call it breakfast.
I remember when I could get down on the floor and do lots of push ups. I just tried to do some the other day...the only thing I accomplished was getting up close and personal with the dust mites that are in our carpet.
I remember when I could write my full name in the cursive writing..... with laser like precision.....while peeing. Now I am lucky if I can miss my knees while dribbling on my toes.
I remember when I could lift and bench press 240 pounds. Now the only thing I want to lift, is another slice of pizza to my mouth.
I remember a day when I had enough motion in my neck, that I could turn my head completely to one side without any pain. Now in order to turn my head to one side, I need to turn my whole body in that direction while keeping my head straight.
My skin used to be firm and tight. Now my skin is so loose, that when I go on a roller coaster, it looks like I have an extra set of floppy butt cheeks slapping the back of my head. And forget about crows feet...I have turkey claws.
I used to have an excellent memory, now I have to leave crumbs just to find my way back to the bedroom.
I must have missed the inter office memo that claimed that 54 is the new 95. Maybe I did read it...I just don't remember doing it.
There used to be words that might have applied to me in my younger days:
Studly, handsome, smart, well toned, hunka hunka burning love, logical, keen eyed, analytical, savvy, adventurous, shy...just to name a few.
But now words like the following seem to apply more:
old, old fart, gray haired old fart, ancient , decrepit, forgetful, out spoken, crotchety, gimpy, shriveled, droopy, floppy...just to name a few.
I think that you can get the picture.
I have to laugh nowadays, when I look in the mirror. What the heck happened??? Where is the me that I can barely remember. I think that I have been "punked"..."punked" by life itself.
I want to apologize for anything written in this blog entry that might come across as crude and tacky. I hope that no one takes offense by it.
I just wanted to make a point and that point is......
crapola.... really wasn't important anyway


flowrgirl1 said...

Very funny post. Oh how i never wanna grow up cus im a toys r us kid!!!

GmaJo said...

I love this Rick and AMEN ... Tho I'm a wee bit older than you (NOT MUCH), I understand exactly what you're saying. When my 30 year old son complains, I tell him "you just wait." Keep on rockin' - except in a chair now LOL.

GmaJo said...

Rick - I let my husband read this and all he could say was, "I resemble that blog!" I remember the first time we were in Sun City, AZ and we stayed overnight in the parking lot of a McDonald's in our van. This was about 7-8 years ago. We went into Mickey D's for breakfast and there were about 6 early morning "old" golfer guys in there. My husband made some comment about the "old farts" playing golf, then he went to the restroom. When he came back out he was chuckling to himself. Said one of the "old" guys was standing next to him in the bathroom and when he looked in the mirror he realized that he was one of those "old" guys. LOL.

rainey said...

Ah, yes, I also remember those days. A friend of mine sent me some old pictures of myself. What a shocker. Thanks for the laughter, Barry, for that's what I was doing while reading this post. I found nothing offensive about it. Just the bare, raw facts of life.

Toni said...

Will you STOP?!! Methinks thou dost protest too loudly -- or at least you're exaggerating slightly. c'mon, who loves ya, baby! Miss V, me, that's who, that's two. And lissen, passin' gas is considered a requisite skill in my family, particularly in the presence of campfires, so you can always come join us and let 'er rip with pride!

Dottie said...

Hello Rick:
First I want to say I love to read your blog, you are wonderful how you tell your stories, I am sure your not as out of shape as you say you do many things fishing doing things for Veronica, Sure we are all getting old and not too many of us are as thing or muscular as we once were.But when you hit your 50's and 60's our bodies change and that is Ok I guess we all have to go through that unless we are going to exercise day and night to stay fit.
I think that there is much more to life then that. We need to enjoy our life as much as we can, As we don't know how long any of us will be here. You sound like a very nice and caring man , be greatful for what we all have I am for my Wonderful Husband Joe and what was was, and what is is, I love what you have written you one of the good one's and NO don't be silly I don't think any one would be offended on one thing you wrote as they are all true at some point and time.
Keep up the wonderful stories and Old time Picture . Just love your blog!
Hug's Dottie
PS: MY hubby just asked if many men have blogs and what they do on them so I end him your to his computer Maybe we can get him to blog too, he is a retired Police officer boy does he have some wonderful stories too.

J9 said...

This made me laugh, because I was having these same types of thoughts just yesterday when I pulled a muscle while shaving my legs...

Toni said...

oh CRAP! I came back to do some further commiseration but only got as far as GmaJo's hubby's comment, "I RESEMBLE THAT BLOG" AND NOW I AM DYING WITH LAUGHTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got nothing better to say than that, plus now I gotta clean coffee off my monitor!!


Tanna said...

I FEEL your pain, brother! LOL!!!

rainey said...

Guess along with aches,pains and pills, there is "senior moments"..such as calling someone by another name. OOOps..sry Rick

Annette said...

I was driving home from work this afternoon and glanced over to see a young athletic woman finishing up her run. It got me to thinking of all the things I used to be able to do easily, and I ended up depressing myself. LOL! I'm in a better mood after reading your blog. Thank you! Your sense of humor and writing lifts me! I enjoyed everyone's comments too!

♥ Kathy said...

LMAO Rick! Um, do I have to pull your finger??? :D

Si's blog said...

You young whipper-snapper, why are you picking on us old folks? I can see a class action suit here.

And I want you to know it will just get worse. Have you had your first colonoscopy yet? Just finished taking my Annie down to Virginia Beach for her first one. But the advantage with getting old is that you forget about it quickly. At least I think you do, if I could just put my finger on what it is I was telling you about.

Mojag said...

Reading your post was a truly great way for me to begin Spring, and put an end to this day.

I laughed when I realized your post let many of us know we're not so alone as we might think.

You and your wife have two of the best blogs I read. Your wife's artistic abilities and your story- telling talent. Keep them rolling.

morrow said...

Thanks for sharing this. It was great. Made me laugh.It kind of puts it all in perspective - the aging process that we can not escape. Made
me want to go for a run and exercise to savor the experience for future times.

Posh Adornment said...

I wanted to leave some pithy comment but I forgot what I wanted to say...I do so commiserate with you. There's nothing worse than looking in the mirror in the middle of the night after I have gotten up to pee for the 14th time and scaring the you-know-what outa myself because I think someone is in my bathroom with me. Groan...

Check out our blog at I'm sharing some of my travel stories intermittently. I love reading your blog and have you on my blog roll! :-) Susan

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