Saturday, July 11, 2009

Life Imitates Music and Vice Versa

This afternoon I went for my usual walk. While walking, I found myself mentally drifting to a better place, a place completely opposite of the life that I live now. A place where Veronica and I can be ourselves and not have to deal with the control, ignorance, meaness and lunacy that seems to have fused itself into every fiber of our lives. I have learned that some people can't be happy and actually don't want anyone else to be happy. They are at their best when playing the victim. They want everyone to feel sorry for them and they want every one to be as unhappy and miserable as they are...as they have always been....as they have always wanted you to be. This is the type of person that deliberately finds a way to to turn anything good into something bad. The type of person who seems to deliberately try to ruin every relationship that they have ever had with anyone and then feel sorry for themselves because no one wants to bother with them. It seems to be a life cycle that does nothing but go in circles with nothing good or productive coming out of it. When you are subjected to this type of behavior for so long, you fear that you will become this person. It is almost like a brainwashing...day in and day out..the same behavior continues. What you see and what you are subjected to becomes your normal. You try to fight against it as hard as you can because you know that there is a better life out there and that this is not "normal" in the outside world, but it is your normal within the confines of these 4 walls. Sometimes you feel like you are drowning in this vast sea of lunacy but you hang onto your life ring as hard as you can...doing everything in your power to keep your head above water so as not to drown in the craziness of it all. You do not want to become a mirror image of this type of person and it becomes a daily battle to keep your spirit and soul intact and to not fall into the clone trap. And here I was, walking and day dreaming of a better time and of a better place that is somewhere out there. A place waiting for Veronica and I to arrive. And the whole while that I was thinking these thoughts, music was playing in the background. It was a song by Billy Joel....River Of Dreams. I replayed the song several times while walking and I was amazed at how the lyrics of this song fit where I was in my life and our current environment. I know that things will change for us and it will be in a good way, but until those changes arrive, I will continue to be "carried along by the river of dreams".

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
From the mountains of faith
To the river so deep
I must be lookin' for something
Something sacred I lost
But the river is wide
And it's too hard to cross
even though I know the river is wide
I walk down every evening and stand on the shore
I try to cross to the opposite side
So I can finally find what I've been looking for
In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the valley of fear
To a river so deep
I've been searching for something
Taken out of my soul
Something I'd never lose
Something somebody stole
I don't know why I go walking at night
But now I'm tired and I don't want to walk anymore
I hope it doesn't take the rest of my life
Until I find what it is I've been looking for
In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the jungle of doubt
To the river so deepI know
I'm searching for something
Something so undefined
That it can only be seen
By the eyes of the blind
In the middle of the night (break)
I’m not sure about a life after this
God knows I've never been a spiritual man
Baptized by the fire, I wade into the river
That is runnin' through the promised land
In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the desert of truth
To the river so deep
We all end in the ocean
We all start in the streams
We're all carried along
By the river of dreams
In the middle of the night
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