Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Catching Butterflies

Have you ever tried to catch a butterfly? You follow them as they are fluttering around. Darting and diving...going this way and that. They land on something and you approach them ever so cautiously and just as you think that you might have them in your grasp, they are gone. But you don't give up and you keep trying over and over again, trying to do everything you can to catch those ever elusive butterflies. Eventually you tire over trying to obtain something that maybe you were never supposed to have. So is the way of trying to obtain someones respect, approval, acceptance, appreciation or even their love....these are the butterflies that I am speaking of. Could be from a friend, a wife, a husband, a sibling or maybe even ones parents. Since an early age, I have been chasing certain butterflies. No matter what I did or how many times I tried, those butterflies always alluded me. After not just years but decades, of trying to catch these butterflies, I have had to finally admit to myself that I was spending years in denial. I was never supposed to have those butterflies in the first place. It just was not meant to be. As the years have gone by, it has been like someone was using a very fine grit sandpaper that was being rubbed over my mind, heart and soul. Slowly but surely it had been smoothing out any feelings that I had until there were none left....totally void of any emotions. I have given up on chasing those butterflies. Maybe I am just getting too old for it or maybe because I am married to a great woman, making those other butterflies a lot less important for me to catch. Sometimes life without all of those other butterflies can be an ok thing, especially when you accept the fact that you have tried your best, it is out of your control and that you are just too tired to continue chasing them any longer.
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