Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Could There Be Light At The End Of This Tunnel?

It has been quite a long time since I have actually sat down and written a blog entry. Lately it has been all about exciting travels and photographs. But there is a flip side to all that appears good. There always has been and always will be. It is kind of like when you leave for an exciting vacation...something that you really are looking forwards to. Sometimes you can leave your place of residence unscathed but usually you must leave with a dose of drama and aggravation, which is kindly provided by others. Anything to start your adventure off on a sour note. And after the long awaited adventure is over with and you are returning to your temporary living quarters, you return with that nagging uneasiness and that ever present under current of trouble that will be awaiting you upon your arrival "home". About 7 or 8 years ago, Veronica and I made a decision to get rid of almost 80 percent of our belongings to move in with my parents, who were getting on in years. The move was made so that we could help out. For me it was to do jobs around the house...mainly on the outside. Veronica also gave up a job in the Savannah, GA area that would have paid a substantially higher amount than what she was going to make in our current location. As life usually has it, things never turn out as they were planned nor hoped for. For me, I did a lot of work around this house and as time has gone by, I have had to pick up more and more responsibilities. I have never really asked for anything in return other than an occasional "thank you" for the help that I have provided. As water and sun are important to a very small plant, the verbal "thank you's" were important to me, so that I felt as if what I was doing meant something to someone....had some worth to it. As the years have gone by, those "thank you's" have gone from few to almost non existent. Once a year I would get a birthday card and in it would be a check along with a brief note on the card, acknowledging my efforts. It was and never will be about the check...I can surely do without it but what was important to me was the acknowledgement. Over the last couple of years, with me doing almost all of the work outside and cleaning up many loose ends inside, I found myself just doing the work with absolutely no good feelings about doing it. I kept on plugging away and the more I did, the less I got out of it. It wasn't like what I wanted or needed would cost someone out of pocket expenses...all I wanted was 2 words that would have made it all worthwhile to me..."thank you". When I brought this up to my mother, she actually scoffed about it. It was easier for her to write a check once a year for a hundred dollars than it was to make someone feel worthwhile and appreciated by saying two words once in a while...once a month or even once every two months. Sometimes we just need a little stroking ....a little word here and there...something that is said that gives us feelings of worth....something...food to nourish the soul. I really got tired of feeling taken for granted and getting the feelings that I owed someone something or that they were entitled to what I had to offer. I have told her several times that I did not want the money...that there were things that are more important to me. I told her what I wanted and what I needed to hear and what I got in return was to be scoffed at. There has been so many bad things, things that are so totally wrong, that have happened to Veronica and I since we moved here. It really was a bad mistake...a donation of 7-8 years of our lives....years that will never be replaced. In a couple of weeks, I will be having my foot surgery and I need to do everything possible to get back into a healthy state and rather quickly. There is a good chance that things can change in the next 4-5 months. I have been here before...a place and time where I think that we might be moving on to a better life away from here, only to have it fall apart and not happen. I have very guarded hopes that this might really be the time that it truly happens. Maybe it will be time to close one really bad chapter of this book of life and open up a much happier chapter for Veronica and I. I will wait and see with reserved optimism for that day to come. A chance to start over from scratch and hopefully make up for that lost time. Could that be the light at the end of this dismal tunnel? The next few months will tell.

1 comment:

Arianna (Erika) said...

Wishing that you get to see the light ! Cheers :)

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