Back To The Beginning Again

This last Monday, I made mention about some issues dealing with, and some concerns about my throat. Yesterday I had some music playing and I started to sing along. When I tried to hit a high note, which I can normally hit, a flood of heat came over me and I became very "flushed". I could not hit that high note at all. It felt as if my vocal cords were strained. I am not sure what is going on but my throat just does not feel right. I am not sure if I have laryngitis or something else. With everything I had been through last year...the pre-cancerous growth on my tongue...I always worry when something does not feel right with my body. Luckily I have my 6 month visit with my oncologist tomorrow morning, so I might get some insight as to what is going on. I usually don't "regurgitate" my past blog entries but with my throat feeling the way it does, I think that this older blog entry pertains to the way I feel now, as much as it did when I first wrote it. Now matter how much time goes by, I always feel that I am back at the beginning again. Here is that older post:

The New Normal
The New Normal??????.....I can hear it now....what is this crazy white man going to jabber about this time. Before dismissing me with a wave of your hand, please hear me out. I remember when I was younger and everything in my younger body was working as intended, I would judge what was going on health wise based on how I felt....based on what was "normal" for me at that time. During those younger years, if nothing was hurting me beyond a sore muscle here and there, then that would be "my normal". As you get older and things happen to your health, I have found that your "normal" is constantly changing and you get a "new normal" to base your health on. The older you get, the more "new normals" you get. A couple of years back I learned that I had something called Mast Cell disease. I have mentioned this fact in earlier blog postings. After learning what this disease was all about and how it affected my body, I had a "new normal". Knowing how I felt health wise with this "new normal", I would know when something different was going on with my health....something out of line from what I had got used to...my "new normal". About 2 1/2 months ago I found something on the right side of my tongue. After going to the doctor and getting a biopsy done, I was told that I had some pre-cancerous stuff growing on the right side of my tongue. This was also notated in several of my earlier blog entries. After muddling through the initial shock, after being told this from my doctor, the first order of business was to get whatever is growing in there out as soon as possible. You know that this isn't supposed to be in your body and your main concern is to remove it before it turns to something far worse. Get the alien being out of there....too many sci-fi flicks...lol. Well, here we are approximately 2 1/2 months later and I have learned that I now have a "new normal". I now live with this paranoia that something is going on with my tongue. Any time I feel that anything is different with my tongue or throat, whether it be from looking at it or feeling something out of line, I always get Veronica to grab a flashlight and have a once over look at my tongue and throat. I even did this a couple of times while we were in Canada on vacation. I remember when we were up at the lodge and we were uploading photos so that I could get them on my blog, I went and got a flashlight so that Veronica could check my tongue and mouth because something did not feel exactly right. I am sure that there are some of you out there right now, that have had or currently have something going on with your health and you too are living your life with this type of paranoia. I hate living my life like this...always on the edge, wondering whether something else is going on with my health. I guess it is better than the alternative though. So the bottom line of this story is.....like it or not, this has become my "new normal".

2 comments:

Doreen said...

Hello,
I say don't live with paranoia! Live each day as if it were your last. I live by the motto "if you think positive then positive things will happen in your life"! I've had quite a bit of tragedy over the last 15 years of my life but these last 2 months have been overwhelming. Still yet, I won't let it get me. I know that life is a bunch of pebbles in our path and sometimes bolders. It's how we handle the pebbles/bolders that makes or breaks us. Please feel free to visit my blog and email me anytime you need someone to chat with...

kanmuri said...

@Doreen: this is easier said than done. I'm paranoiac about my health, too. It's not something you can start controlling with a snap of your fingers.

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